Letting Go of Order and Letting God Take Over

I like order. Order gives me a sense of security and peace of mind. When an event is over, all I gotta do is move on to the next thing. No need to worry or panic about what comes after, just gotta cruise along. Perhaps that's why I like very organized events, and tend to be a little too paranoid about the little details that go into planning. Having a bunch of back-up plan is always good idea to me. If something fails, I just have go down the list of back-ups to fix it. No surprises. No stress. Always "perfect".

But perfection in our eyes is never perfection in God's eyes. Order and time does not matter to Him. Ever since coming to the States, I feel like I've been doing everything in the "wrong" order. I was pushed back a year in high school because the school year in the U.S. starts during the fall, but I migrated here around February. Later on, when I went to college, I was promptly forced to drop out in the middle of my first year due to financial difficulties. During that time, I made a living off minimum wage, barely met rent and other living expenses, and almost got into court trouble with housemates over rent issues. I still shudder at the thought. Fast forward a couple years and I'm back in school, but then I took time off again to get married. Now, I am a wife, and I'm back in school, yet again, trying to get my degree at 23...or 24.

What an unusual way of doing things. I've always wanted to graduate high school and go straight into college for 4 years, get my bachelors degree, get a job, and then get married. I mean, that's the normal way of doing things after all. To me, it's the most logical way of living. For years, I was taught that you're supposed go to school for about 16 years of your life, and then you go out to make money and start a family. In fact, so many of the people I've met during my freshman year of college are doing just that, and have moved on to building their careers. Instead, I went to work, started a family, and then went back to school. 

Even though I know I should trust God and His plans for me, I still struggle to let go of how things should pan out in my life. I know that there isn't a correct or definite way of doing things, but when you see so many of your peers already building a successful career path through the "normal way", you can't help but feel like you can only become successful if you do the same. Every now and then, I get thoughts like, "This 19 year old  in my class is on the same academic level as I am....what am I doing with my life? How come I'm so behind? They are going to graduate before me and start their career before me. Why in the world did I choose the path I'm choosing?" 

To be honest, there isn't any real comparison or measure of whether starting a career earlier is a more successful or better route. And I know learning has nothing to do with age. But sometimes, I can't shake off the feeling that I'm doing something wrong by living a life that is different from the "norm". I get moments of doubt about whether the path God has laid down for me is right. Maybe He's messing up? No, that can't be right. God never messes up. So, maybe *I* messed up (by mistakenly taking a path different than His will)? You get what I'm saying, right? I know I can't be the only believer feeling this way.

I know these are all just senseless thoughts, because at the end of the day, I am so happy to come home to a loving, caring, and supportive husband. Yet, no matter how confident you are, the devil is always finding ways to plant these seeds of doubts into your mind to set you off track. 

Even so, God has never let me down. The years have been hard since day 1 of coming to the States, but they have also been filled with more and more blessings. I came here with nothing but faith, and now I have a lovely home, two cars, an education in a reputable university, and the best husband I could ever ask for. 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -- Jeremiah 29:11

This might be the most overused verse in the Christian community, but it holds much truth. Everyone should be reminded of this verse over and over again...as much as it takes until you see the day this becomes true. Until then, keep praying and don't give up. For "those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." --Isaiah 40:31

So when you've been working too hard but things still seem to go awry, let go and let God take control.