Wedding Nightmares
Like literal nightmares. Wanted to sleep in today because I went to bed late last night, but ended up having nightmares about wedding day instead of peaceful rejuvenating sleep.
I dreamt that it was my wedding day all over again, and was super stressed out. Can't remember the details but my mom was super frantic and didn't get things done according to schedule and as a result would have to push the ceremony an hour and a half later than the printed time. Dream me was super anxious and yelled at her saying, "How can you be so useless when I trusted you to take care of everything for me?"
Oh my goodness. That line in itself shocked me so much that I woke up. It was waaaaay out of line. If I ever say anything like that irl I would freak out and give the highest level of apology. But after waking up, I realized that I have never felt more relieved that the wedding is long over. OVER. Gone are the days of stressing and planning and feeling the burden of 100+ people's times on your shoulders. I've had many women and friends come up to me saying, "Ah, I just wish I could re-live that day all over again. Bring me back!" To which I always panic internally and think, "NEVER. No, thank you!" with a fake/nervous smile plastered onto my face, not because my wedding was bad (because it actually went really smoothly), but because I just don't enjoy weddings that are my own.
Married life > Wedding life. Hands down. When planning a wedding, you gotta think about and please as many people (if not all) as possible. In the married life, all you gotta worry about is your spouse's well-being, which is so much easier to deal with since a) you picked your own spouse and b) you love him/her.
I have a few other friends getting married this year and people have asked me if I feel envious. Nope. I couldn't be any happier for them. Funny thing is I love attending other people's weddings! The prettier and smoother the better! Why? Because I just have to BE there and not worry about what happens next. I get to enjoy and take in the beauty of the bride's dress, the pretty flowers and decorations surrounding the venues, the food etc. I get to bask in the dreamy significance of what this wedding means for them and their lives together, and I get sooooo happy and excited for their marriage. At my own wedding, I couldn't see myself or the wedding party as a whole very well even though everyone said we were so pretty/good-looking. I didn't get to enjoy the prettiness of the church either cuz I was up so close to the stage and looking at the pastor as he talked to notice the flowers and breathtaking view from the gigantic glass window behind him, much less think about the significance of the moment. So yeah. I didn't find my own wedding that enjoyable. I live vicariously through the pics tbh, which is why I am so glad we had good pics.
No, I don't regret my wedding, but I also don't care to re-live it either. If I do, I want to re-experience it as a spectator with John. LOL.
Anyway, I can't wait to attend my friend's wedding this coming October!
(I should probably also get around to blogging about the 2nd part of the wedding)
I dreamt that it was my wedding day all over again, and was super stressed out. Can't remember the details but my mom was super frantic and didn't get things done according to schedule and as a result would have to push the ceremony an hour and a half later than the printed time. Dream me was super anxious and yelled at her saying, "How can you be so useless when I trusted you to take care of everything for me?"
Oh my goodness. That line in itself shocked me so much that I woke up. It was waaaaay out of line. If I ever say anything like that irl I would freak out and give the highest level of apology. But after waking up, I realized that I have never felt more relieved that the wedding is long over. OVER. Gone are the days of stressing and planning and feeling the burden of 100+ people's times on your shoulders. I've had many women and friends come up to me saying, "Ah, I just wish I could re-live that day all over again. Bring me back!" To which I always panic internally and think, "NEVER. No, thank you!" with a fake/nervous smile plastered onto my face, not because my wedding was bad (because it actually went really smoothly), but because I just don't enjoy weddings that are my own.
Married life > Wedding life. Hands down. When planning a wedding, you gotta think about and please as many people (if not all) as possible. In the married life, all you gotta worry about is your spouse's well-being, which is so much easier to deal with since a) you picked your own spouse and b) you love him/her.
I have a few other friends getting married this year and people have asked me if I feel envious. Nope. I couldn't be any happier for them. Funny thing is I love attending other people's weddings! The prettier and smoother the better! Why? Because I just have to BE there and not worry about what happens next. I get to enjoy and take in the beauty of the bride's dress, the pretty flowers and decorations surrounding the venues, the food etc. I get to bask in the dreamy significance of what this wedding means for them and their lives together, and I get sooooo happy and excited for their marriage. At my own wedding, I couldn't see myself or the wedding party as a whole very well even though everyone said we were so pretty/good-looking. I didn't get to enjoy the prettiness of the church either cuz I was up so close to the stage and looking at the pastor as he talked to notice the flowers and breathtaking view from the gigantic glass window behind him, much less think about the significance of the moment. So yeah. I didn't find my own wedding that enjoyable. I live vicariously through the pics tbh, which is why I am so glad we had good pics.
No, I don't regret my wedding, but I also don't care to re-live it either. If I do, I want to re-experience it as a spectator with John. LOL.
Anyway, I can't wait to attend my friend's wedding this coming October!
(I should probably also get around to blogging about the 2nd part of the wedding)
Comments