Stuck in a slump
Today is one of those days where I feel like I've given up. I don't want to try and I don't want to care anymore. Dang, I can be quite depressive if I don't check on myself often enough.
Anyway, results came out for my second midterm. Got an A- the first time round, but this time I got a D. Strangely enough, I wasn't very surprised, shocked or upset. I mean it was only reasonable that I got such a grade given that I didn't even study, go to class, or do most of the homework assigned. Yet, I feel a part of me on the inside is arguing with myself to care more and to be more concerned. Still, I don't feel like it's working.
Perhaps it's that same side of me that is prompting me to write this post, probably in an attempt to help me further reflect upon my actions and decisions.
Well, today, when I turned in the daily assignment, I accidentally wrote August for the month, but quickly realized that it is already September. In that moment, I had a mini shock that time has passed by so fast, yet I didn't even feel or realize it. What happened to my summer? What have I achieved? When do I get to relax? Doesn't the new academic year start this month? Why am I still in school for the previous year?
3 months of summer passed by just like that. It felt so short because I didn't do anything fun or significant, yet it felt so long for the exact reason. Without even realizing what I was doing, I kept pushing myself to hurry through the classes and the many events that popped up during the weekends so I could take a break, and gave my all everyday that I forgot to rest. I was so busy devoting my time to other matters that I forgot to give time to myself. And now, I will only get a week's break to pick myself up before going full throttle again.
They say that life as a student is meant to be difficult. When you're young you're supposed to face many difficulties, and to go full throttle at every opportunity tossed your way because you have the energy and capability to do it. How many times have we heard older people say they wish they had the same physical and mental ability we have? If they did, they would do pack their schedules even more, and set higher obstacles for themselves to overcome. I have yet to hear an older person going "Don't work so hard. Just take it easy and cruise through life." It's almost always, "Young people should be full of energy! If only I could have that energy now..."
Perhaps I took their comments or advice too literally, and now I'm starting to question how true these statements are. The grass is always greener on the other side, is it not? When you're young, you're always chasing after money, stability, and a comfortable life, so you're always working hard to get there because you don't want to live such a stressful life where you're penny-pinching every time you have to buy groceries or other necessities. As such, you take on as many jobs and internships as you can and study as hard as you can in hopes of getting out of this broke situation. When the older people talk about how us youth should cherish this moment where our body can still take all the stress exerted onto it, are they really talking about cherishing the struggles?
I feel like what they subconsciously mean is that after having reached a comfortable point in their lives, they wish they had more energy to enjoy the state that they are in. Or perhaps they got to a relatively comfortable stage in their lives, but sacrificed too much fun and joyful moments and they wished they could go back. If that is the case, shouldn't I enjoy life now?
Then there is the saying that those who enjoy too much now will never see the fruits of their labor. Haiya, balancing life seems so complicated. I used to think that most adults have it figured out. I remember when when I was still a young teen, I sincerely believed that people in their 20s and 30s have it all together. But now that I am 23, I'm beginning to realize that everyone is figuring it out as they go through life, and no one person has the answer. Heck, I've even met some 30-year-olds who are more lost than some 20-year-olds. Taking advice from the older group is never really a bad idea, but I'm starting to learn now their words and advice aren't everything either, especially when society is changing its pace faster than before.
Lord, help me to focus on you and lean on you. I know trusting you means some things will never make sense as I go through the motions, but in the end, everything fits together like a puzzle. Right now, life seems tough with John having to work more than 12 hour days and me having more than I can juggle on my plate. But all these things will pass, and even if we didn't handle it in the best way, this season is just a tiny bump in our lives. Help me to see and appreciate the details in life as well, and not keep focusing on a bigger picture or future that hasn't come.
Amen.
UPDATE: I passed the class! Scored a 93 on the final, which pulled me out of oblivion since my homework grades were in the gutter along with my 2nd midterm. LoL. God is good, my husband is good, and it seems like life is gonna go on good. ^_^ Praise be to God who watches over us and picks us up when we're out of strength.
Anyway, results came out for my second midterm. Got an A- the first time round, but this time I got a D. Strangely enough, I wasn't very surprised, shocked or upset. I mean it was only reasonable that I got such a grade given that I didn't even study, go to class, or do most of the homework assigned. Yet, I feel a part of me on the inside is arguing with myself to care more and to be more concerned. Still, I don't feel like it's working.
Perhaps it's that same side of me that is prompting me to write this post, probably in an attempt to help me further reflect upon my actions and decisions.
Well, today, when I turned in the daily assignment, I accidentally wrote August for the month, but quickly realized that it is already September. In that moment, I had a mini shock that time has passed by so fast, yet I didn't even feel or realize it. What happened to my summer? What have I achieved? When do I get to relax? Doesn't the new academic year start this month? Why am I still in school for the previous year?
3 months of summer passed by just like that. It felt so short because I didn't do anything fun or significant, yet it felt so long for the exact reason. Without even realizing what I was doing, I kept pushing myself to hurry through the classes and the many events that popped up during the weekends so I could take a break, and gave my all everyday that I forgot to rest. I was so busy devoting my time to other matters that I forgot to give time to myself. And now, I will only get a week's break to pick myself up before going full throttle again.
They say that life as a student is meant to be difficult. When you're young you're supposed to face many difficulties, and to go full throttle at every opportunity tossed your way because you have the energy and capability to do it. How many times have we heard older people say they wish they had the same physical and mental ability we have? If they did, they would do pack their schedules even more, and set higher obstacles for themselves to overcome. I have yet to hear an older person going "Don't work so hard. Just take it easy and cruise through life." It's almost always, "Young people should be full of energy! If only I could have that energy now..."
Perhaps I took their comments or advice too literally, and now I'm starting to question how true these statements are. The grass is always greener on the other side, is it not? When you're young, you're always chasing after money, stability, and a comfortable life, so you're always working hard to get there because you don't want to live such a stressful life where you're penny-pinching every time you have to buy groceries or other necessities. As such, you take on as many jobs and internships as you can and study as hard as you can in hopes of getting out of this broke situation. When the older people talk about how us youth should cherish this moment where our body can still take all the stress exerted onto it, are they really talking about cherishing the struggles?
I feel like what they subconsciously mean is that after having reached a comfortable point in their lives, they wish they had more energy to enjoy the state that they are in. Or perhaps they got to a relatively comfortable stage in their lives, but sacrificed too much fun and joyful moments and they wished they could go back. If that is the case, shouldn't I enjoy life now?
Then there is the saying that those who enjoy too much now will never see the fruits of their labor. Haiya, balancing life seems so complicated. I used to think that most adults have it figured out. I remember when when I was still a young teen, I sincerely believed that people in their 20s and 30s have it all together. But now that I am 23, I'm beginning to realize that everyone is figuring it out as they go through life, and no one person has the answer. Heck, I've even met some 30-year-olds who are more lost than some 20-year-olds. Taking advice from the older group is never really a bad idea, but I'm starting to learn now their words and advice aren't everything either, especially when society is changing its pace faster than before.
Lord, help me to focus on you and lean on you. I know trusting you means some things will never make sense as I go through the motions, but in the end, everything fits together like a puzzle. Right now, life seems tough with John having to work more than 12 hour days and me having more than I can juggle on my plate. But all these things will pass, and even if we didn't handle it in the best way, this season is just a tiny bump in our lives. Help me to see and appreciate the details in life as well, and not keep focusing on a bigger picture or future that hasn't come.
Amen.
UPDATE: I passed the class! Scored a 93 on the final, which pulled me out of oblivion since my homework grades were in the gutter along with my 2nd midterm. LoL. God is good, my husband is good, and it seems like life is gonna go on good. ^_^ Praise be to God who watches over us and picks us up when we're out of strength.
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