Wee hours musings
How is it already almost the end of March?! Time sure flies by in a blink of an eye. Didn't the new year just begun? When January rolled around, I was quite excited for the new year. I felt it didn't come quickly enough, and I wanted to be DONE with the 2nd quarter of my master's program already. The quarter dragged on for what seemed like eternity to me, causing me to have a mental breakdown and to quit school. But once I quit school, time decided to pick up the pace and speed past me. -.-
In a matter of two days (well, maybe less than that now), I'll be re-taking exam P. I'm STILL not too confident about passing despite having fully learned the material this time round. I wonder how I thought I could've passed by chance on the first try without any real prep. Ignorance sure is bliss~haha. Nevertheless, there is nothing I can do at this point, so aside from reviewing past mistakes, I don't want to scare myself silly and fail due to anxiety. Failing due to a lack of understanding or proper exam prep is acceptable in my book, but if nervousness is the cause of it I'd be so frustrated.
As I get older, I feel as if I get less and less done with my time. I'm sure that's perceived inefficiency, since judging by facts alone, I do check off a much larger list of responsibilities now than in my teens. Yet I can't help but feel my teenage years were the most productive. I was learning drums, organizing events for MYF, participating in countless church activities, jogging everyday, studying and hanging out with friends, and fussing about the latest trend. Nowadays, my "productivity" amounts to whether or not I've cleaned, mopped, wiped, and dusted every nook and cranny of the house. Despite spending a large chunk of my day studying new topics (like the ones in exam P) cooking, grocery shopping, as well, the day doesn't feel any more productive than my teenage days.
Perhaps I view everyday "adult duties" too mundane to be considered worthwhile of growth. I know I'm growing as a person and still learning new things everyday, but the learning process seems so much less exciting! I never realized how time consuming housekeeping or coming up with a schedule was until I had to do everything myself. Don't get me wrong, I grew up in a house where we had to do quite a number of house chores, including laundry, dinner set-up/clean-up, sweeping, mopping, scrubbing that damn huge Arang Rd house car porch on our hands and knees (ASDLKJDA DADDY I still remember that!), general tidying, ironing, and annual spring cleaning. However, I still did NOT foresee how much more work my parents put in to maintain such an organized and comfortable home for us. Heck, just COOKING for 2 people is hard enough, how in the world did my mom do all the above x6?? I now have a much better grasp of why everyone says you cannot repay a mother's love and hardship.
During my "youth", discovery and learning always involved gaining more freedom, thus the excitement. Now that I have all the "freedom", I don't feel free anymore leh! More like, WHERE has all my free time gone? Sometimes I backtrack and think that maybe the price of freedom is too steep after all and a lazy person like me shouldn't have chased freedom so soon. Uncle Ben was so wise when he said "with great power comes great responsibility" to Peter Parker. As a kid I dismissed it as a worthwhile trade. Superpowers are awesome! Who wouldn't want to be Spiderman? When you're super, responsibilities would be a cinch! Ha! I'd take that all back now. Superpowers may make things easier, but doing 1000 easy things is still 1000 things that will take your time away. And people will always pile you with exponentially more responsibilities when you become good at something. But who wants to do all that?! Which leads me to conclude that true power is not superpowers, it's willpower.
Damn. Spoken like a true (albeit bitter) adult.
Speaking of adults, it's waaaaaay past my bedtime. Who am I trying to kid that I can still pull an all-nighter? Ha. ha. ha. Yeah. Good night.
In a matter of two days (well, maybe less than that now), I'll be re-taking exam P. I'm STILL not too confident about passing despite having fully learned the material this time round. I wonder how I thought I could've passed by chance on the first try without any real prep. Ignorance sure is bliss~haha. Nevertheless, there is nothing I can do at this point, so aside from reviewing past mistakes, I don't want to scare myself silly and fail due to anxiety. Failing due to a lack of understanding or proper exam prep is acceptable in my book, but if nervousness is the cause of it I'd be so frustrated.
As I get older, I feel as if I get less and less done with my time. I'm sure that's perceived inefficiency, since judging by facts alone, I do check off a much larger list of responsibilities now than in my teens. Yet I can't help but feel my teenage years were the most productive. I was learning drums, organizing events for MYF, participating in countless church activities, jogging everyday, studying and hanging out with friends, and fussing about the latest trend. Nowadays, my "productivity" amounts to whether or not I've cleaned, mopped, wiped, and dusted every nook and cranny of the house. Despite spending a large chunk of my day studying new topics (like the ones in exam P) cooking, grocery shopping, as well, the day doesn't feel any more productive than my teenage days.
Perhaps I view everyday "adult duties" too mundane to be considered worthwhile of growth. I know I'm growing as a person and still learning new things everyday, but the learning process seems so much less exciting! I never realized how time consuming housekeeping or coming up with a schedule was until I had to do everything myself. Don't get me wrong, I grew up in a house where we had to do quite a number of house chores, including laundry, dinner set-up/clean-up, sweeping, mopping, scrubbing that damn huge Arang Rd house car porch on our hands and knees (ASDLKJDA DADDY I still remember that!), general tidying, ironing, and annual spring cleaning. However, I still did NOT foresee how much more work my parents put in to maintain such an organized and comfortable home for us. Heck, just COOKING for 2 people is hard enough, how in the world did my mom do all the above x6?? I now have a much better grasp of why everyone says you cannot repay a mother's love and hardship.
During my "youth", discovery and learning always involved gaining more freedom, thus the excitement. Now that I have all the "freedom", I don't feel free anymore leh! More like, WHERE has all my free time gone? Sometimes I backtrack and think that maybe the price of freedom is too steep after all and a lazy person like me shouldn't have chased freedom so soon. Uncle Ben was so wise when he said "with great power comes great responsibility" to Peter Parker. As a kid I dismissed it as a worthwhile trade. Superpowers are awesome! Who wouldn't want to be Spiderman? When you're super, responsibilities would be a cinch! Ha! I'd take that all back now. Superpowers may make things easier, but doing 1000 easy things is still 1000 things that will take your time away. And people will always pile you with exponentially more responsibilities when you become good at something. But who wants to do all that?! Which leads me to conclude that true power is not superpowers, it's willpower.
Damn. Spoken like a true (albeit bitter) adult.
Speaking of adults, it's waaaaaay past my bedtime. Who am I trying to kid that I can still pull an all-nighter? Ha. ha. ha. Yeah. Good night.
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