Summer Internship at CSAA

Sorry for the long absence. I’ve been so caught up with work and commuting that I haven’t found time to sit and reflect or log the recent events going on in my life. I was just reading May’s blog a couple weeks ago about how she finally understood why people fall off the face of the internet world once they start working full-time, and I must say I’ve finally joined the club as well haha.

As I’m entering the last week of my internship, I’ve been feeling pretty sentimental, which is the last feeling I thought I’d feel about an internship ending. Most would think that I would be relieved to be able to get back to the regular life (and back with John in Sac), and I am. Yet, at the same time, I never expected to bond so well with all the other interns and staff that leaving feels painful. There is a chance of a return offer depending on how well I’ve performed over the other interns during my exit interview and 10 weeks here. Even so, the experience will be different without the other interns. To clarify, we are technically all “fighting” for one open position, but we’ve connected so well that we don’t see this as a competition, but more so of who would be the right fit. That said, I'm sure I will still be sad should the news not be in my favor, but such is life. As much as I like planning, the Lord will the one determining the steps of my life, so I'm learning to wait on the Lord instead of rushing forward with full force trying to crack open doors for myself. 

To sort-of sum up my internship experience, here is a video another fellow intern and friend compiled of the fun activities we did:

I know the video shows a lot of clips of us just having fun, but to play hard you must first work hard! The first few seconds of the video showing us working was pretty much 85-90% of our summer internship with lots of small fun activities sprinkled in between, even though the video is depicting it the other way around haha. Some of these activities are also department specific, so not everyone participated in every activity. I must say that the actuarial interns had the best field trip and activities though! We got to visit the claims center in Las Vegas, and enjoyed LV's offerings of extravagant buffets while we were there. I've been on a diet all year round but had to temporarily break it because the kiasu-ness in me wouldn't let such good and expensive food slip by. There were no photos of the LV trip because the intern who compiled the video was in the Finance department, and none of us actuarial interns bothered taking pictures because we were too busy having fun! Here are the ONLY pictures I have from Vegas:

That's J-Boyle from UC Berkeley working on the Pricing team for the Actuarial and Analytics department. The sun was blazing hot, but the water was cool and giant Jenga was super fun. For the record, I won. :P I realized I am really bad at logging memories through photos even though the stereotype is that women love taking photos. The only reason I had these was because J-Boyle wanted pictures, so I started taking them. In return, he took some for me as well.

The one intern I got along with the most was Aram. Turns out he is around my age and also got married the same year John and I did. He's also quite the cynical humor kinda guy, so no surprise that we clicked. I am quite thankful that he was part of the internship, else I would be the most mature person there clocking in at 25, whereas the other two interns (besides Aram) just turned 21. They are also super ambitious (being young) given they are from Berkeley and Harvard. (*Sigh* Don't remember when I was that young and energetic. Jk, I was probably working through whether or not John was "the one" around that age. Lol, priorities.) Aram is from UCLA, a prestigious school in its own right, but he's more of the "let's go to college because the world isn't as nice to people without bachelor degrees" club, which explains why he's still working on his undergrad at my age. I completely sympathize having gone through that late phase myself.

If you told me a year and a half ago that all the sacrifice I'd be making to handle the house fire that happened to John's family home will lead up to this internship, I would dismiss it as being too hopeful and/or farfetched. The internship wasn't even on my radar at the time! I was interested in the actuarial field, but wasn't fully invested since I haven't learned much about it and was a little too late in the studying/exam process. Who would've thought that the knowledge I've gained from renovating the house would help me make it through the interview process despite having 0 exams under my belt. I eventually did pass my first exam with the internship being a huge motivator, and look how my summer turned out! 

Despite the ups, there were also some downs. One of the major downside was having to be apart from John for almost the entire year. We've been separated since March, and readjusting to living together again was just as hard readjusting to living apart at the beginning stages. Living with the in-laws also came with challenges. I was too optimistic in thinking that I would be able to integrate cooking and some of my daily habits into theirs. I expected that I would be able to cook as usual and pack lunch to save costs, but a very cluttered home and cooking do not mix. If I did cook, I'd have to cook for only one meal because they don't believe in meal-prepping, and out of respect, I didn't feel it appropriate to occupy the kitchen for hours if that wasn't the norm for them. (Not like I could anyway given there was really no space to work with.)

In the 10 weeks, I had to learn how to work with a family that had different ideas of what respect, love, and responsibility look like. Having grown up in a house with no brothers and very little traditional Chinese culture, the struggle of practicing filial piety was real. Being logical and organized also didn't flow too well with the in-laws since they are more feeling/perceiving personalities. --FP vs --TJ have issues connecting on even ground as it is, but being the daughter-in-law puts me in the lowest tier according to the traditional hierarchical chain...so you can imagine how stifled I felt. Nevertheless, I have also matured to see that love takes all forms, even in ways you almost completely disagree with. As such, I have learned to focus on the intention rather than the action. Because no matter how frustrating the action may be, if it was done out of love, the person deserves our patience and understanding. I feel the Lord is always challenging me to grow in many ways the moment I get comfortable lol. 

Looking forward to spending more time with John in our Sac home until further news come up. Holding onto the precious moments we have together before life takes us on another crazy journey!