The Old Man and the Sea
Whatever you do, I warn you...do not, I said, DO NOT, ever read this book:
Yes, please judge this book by it's cover.
"The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway. This novel is really, really short and has only 127 pages. However, it's take you HOURS to read this. Why? Cuz it's so friggin' boring. Just thinking about it makes me wanna fall asleep. Yes yes, the book cover looks boring but that's one of the best covers for this boring old book - and yet it still looks miserably boring. You should see the earlier version of this book...oh man.
OMG, I dislike this book so much I can't believe I read through the whole thing!
"Oh, how bad can it be? It's only 127 pages long. You're being unreasonable."
You wanna know what this book is about? It's about this silly old fisherman catching fish. Yes, fishing. And what's worse, it took 110 pages and he STILL never caught that fish! !@#$!@#$! And there is no suspense at all! Omg, this author has successfully obeyed every single rule in how to make a book boring and draggy! All this book ever talks about is the old man talking to himself about how big this fish could've been and they only reveal to you it's full length and size AT THE VERY END OF THE STORY. DOT DOT DOT.
So all this while, all you ever read about is how this old, old man is so eager and determined to catch that one fish that you have no idea what it's like! Do you know how frustrating that is? Oh wait, it gets worse I tell you...
So you're reading and reading about how this old man had to struggle so much in catching this huge and smart fish. He suffered countless sleepless nights and had to eat raw fish and dolphins (traitor! How dare he eat such a cute thing?) to sustain his energy and strength. Then, on the 110th pg, the fish wears out, it's giving in, it's circling his boat in defeat. It jumps high up into the air...it's 18 feet long and magnificent. With a harpoon the old man stabs the fish right in the heart so that it'll die for sure. He stabs, blood oozes out into the deep blue sea. It died. HOORAY! Finally, HE WON! End of story.
*pft* Yeah right.
It still has another 17 pages remember? So what happened next?
A great big SHARK followed the scent of blood. The old man then realized his mistake in harpooning the fish. Another 17 pages explained how he fought off sharks with all his might that he was on the verge of passing out to defend his fish...
...and the sharks ATE the fish up.
You hear me?! The sharks ATE THE FRIGGIN' FISH UP! !#$!@#$!@#$
WHY WHY WHY DID I READ 127 PAGES JUST TO FIND OUT HIS FISH WAS EATEN UP BY SHARKS IN THE END?!?!?!?!
Why did Hemingway have to write 110 pages of fishing if the sharks were going to get at it?!
Why let the old man suffer so much and takes his fish away?!
Has he go no heart?! No heart for the old man, AND the reader??
*breaks down and cries* You know you've been had when you spent 5 hours reading a book that talks about fishing for a hundred pages and sharks in the next ten pages.
Why on earth did I read this book? Because, it's part of my Summer School syllabus. Which reminds me...I don't like Summer School. I was late by TWO SECONDS and I was kicked out by my teacher. It's not my fault I was late okay~ Heck, how is TWO SECONDS late?! I was right at the door! Oh yeah, like I could've walked faster. Well, the silly people in front of me were walking so slowly, they'd make a snail look like a Ferrari. And they were blocking the WHOLE hallway! How could they do that? I wanted to say "excuse me", but they were all rowdy and shouting at each other, swearing and cursing...I was afraid if I said "Excuse me" they'd either a) won't hear me or b) shout at me and say "WANNA PIECE OF ME?" while I squeal like an itsy bitsy ant waiting to be crushed.
I'm not messing with them. They are WAY WAY taller and bigger than me. And way, way badder and fiercer than me. I tried helplessly to walk through them but failed miserably. When I finally got through and rushed to my classroom door, the ding-donging school bell rang. And right when I touched the door the silly bell decided to happily stop ringing so that I would be late. When I walked in the teacher was shocked. K, she wasn't really mean. She didn't expect ME - the good student - to be late. She had a strict rule about being late however, i.e. kick them out of class and give them an F. I was her favorite student and I could tell she really didn't wanna do this to me - she even spent like 8 minutes telling me how sorry she was and that she kicked a certain girl out before when she was late, and that girl was staring at her and me to see if she would be fair. Thus, she had no choice but to kick me out. Still, she kicked me out, so I guess she was mean.
TWO SECONDS dammit.
Now I have an F. -_-" But I'm scoring a 110% in that class so hopefully the F won't effect my grades much. *crosses fingers*
I could've went home right after that, but I had to take my neighbor home...and she was in that very same class and she wasn't late. So I had to wait for her and the class to end. I spent 2 and a half hours roaming the school with nothing to do. -_-"
I think I really wanna quit Summer School. First it's boring novels and now this. *Sigh*
Oh btw, I read the autobiography of Hemingway and found out he commited suicide. Well, THANK GOODNESS. No more books from him! *MWAHAHAHA* I'm not mean, he committed suicide out of his own free will. It wasn't like he had a tragic accident or terminal disease. He just thought life had no value and decided to move on - to another world though. Poor him.
Fine, I'm a little mean. But what about him? He took the old man's fish! And bored me to tears! I also found out that 11th graders have to read about his works. I'm an 11th grader next yr! *boo hoo hoo*
Yes, please judge this book by it's cover. "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway. This novel is really, really short and has only 127 pages. However, it's take you HOURS to read this. Why? Cuz it's so friggin' boring. Just thinking about it makes me wanna fall asleep. Yes yes, the book cover looks boring but that's one of the best covers for this boring old book - and yet it still looks miserably boring. You should see the earlier version of this book...oh man.
OMG, I dislike this book so much I can't believe I read through the whole thing!
"Oh, how bad can it be? It's only 127 pages long. You're being unreasonable."
You wanna know what this book is about? It's about this silly old fisherman catching fish. Yes, fishing. And what's worse, it took 110 pages and he STILL never caught that fish! !@#$!@#$! And there is no suspense at all! Omg, this author has successfully obeyed every single rule in how to make a book boring and draggy! All this book ever talks about is the old man talking to himself about how big this fish could've been and they only reveal to you it's full length and size AT THE VERY END OF THE STORY. DOT DOT DOT.
So all this while, all you ever read about is how this old, old man is so eager and determined to catch that one fish that you have no idea what it's like! Do you know how frustrating that is? Oh wait, it gets worse I tell you...
So you're reading and reading about how this old man had to struggle so much in catching this huge and smart fish. He suffered countless sleepless nights and had to eat raw fish and dolphins (traitor! How dare he eat such a cute thing?) to sustain his energy and strength. Then, on the 110th pg, the fish wears out, it's giving in, it's circling his boat in defeat. It jumps high up into the air...it's 18 feet long and magnificent. With a harpoon the old man stabs the fish right in the heart so that it'll die for sure. He stabs, blood oozes out into the deep blue sea. It died. HOORAY! Finally, HE WON! End of story.
*pft* Yeah right.
It still has another 17 pages remember? So what happened next?
A great big SHARK followed the scent of blood. The old man then realized his mistake in harpooning the fish. Another 17 pages explained how he fought off sharks with all his might that he was on the verge of passing out to defend his fish...
...and the sharks ATE the fish up.
You hear me?! The sharks ATE THE FRIGGIN' FISH UP! !#$!@#$!@#$
WHY WHY WHY DID I READ 127 PAGES JUST TO FIND OUT HIS FISH WAS EATEN UP BY SHARKS IN THE END?!?!?!?!
Why did Hemingway have to write 110 pages of fishing if the sharks were going to get at it?!
Why let the old man suffer so much and takes his fish away?!
Has he go no heart?! No heart for the old man, AND the reader??
*breaks down and cries* You know you've been had when you spent 5 hours reading a book that talks about fishing for a hundred pages and sharks in the next ten pages.
Why on earth did I read this book? Because, it's part of my Summer School syllabus. Which reminds me...I don't like Summer School. I was late by TWO SECONDS and I was kicked out by my teacher. It's not my fault I was late okay~ Heck, how is TWO SECONDS late?! I was right at the door! Oh yeah, like I could've walked faster. Well, the silly people in front of me were walking so slowly, they'd make a snail look like a Ferrari. And they were blocking the WHOLE hallway! How could they do that? I wanted to say "excuse me", but they were all rowdy and shouting at each other, swearing and cursing...I was afraid if I said "Excuse me" they'd either a) won't hear me or b) shout at me and say "WANNA PIECE OF ME?" while I squeal like an itsy bitsy ant waiting to be crushed.
I'm not messing with them. They are WAY WAY taller and bigger than me. And way, way badder and fiercer than me. I tried helplessly to walk through them but failed miserably. When I finally got through and rushed to my classroom door, the ding-donging school bell rang. And right when I touched the door the silly bell decided to happily stop ringing so that I would be late. When I walked in the teacher was shocked. K, she wasn't really mean. She didn't expect ME - the good student - to be late. She had a strict rule about being late however, i.e. kick them out of class and give them an F. I was her favorite student and I could tell she really didn't wanna do this to me - she even spent like 8 minutes telling me how sorry she was and that she kicked a certain girl out before when she was late, and that girl was staring at her and me to see if she would be fair. Thus, she had no choice but to kick me out. Still, she kicked me out, so I guess she was mean.
TWO SECONDS dammit.
Now I have an F. -_-" But I'm scoring a 110% in that class so hopefully the F won't effect my grades much. *crosses fingers*
I could've went home right after that, but I had to take my neighbor home...and she was in that very same class and she wasn't late. So I had to wait for her and the class to end. I spent 2 and a half hours roaming the school with nothing to do. -_-"
I think I really wanna quit Summer School. First it's boring novels and now this. *Sigh*
Oh btw, I read the autobiography of Hemingway and found out he commited suicide. Well, THANK GOODNESS. No more books from him! *MWAHAHAHA* I'm not mean, he committed suicide out of his own free will. It wasn't like he had a tragic accident or terminal disease. He just thought life had no value and decided to move on - to another world though. Poor him.
Fine, I'm a little mean. But what about him? He took the old man's fish! And bored me to tears! I also found out that 11th graders have to read about his works. I'm an 11th grader next yr! *boo hoo hoo*
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