Musings of a Young Bride-to-be
How. How do people stop themselves from falling into the media's trap? I want to scream and shout at the top of my lungs. I want to let all my frustrations out. How do they do it? Why am I falling short of creating the "perfect" wedding?
I have no idea when or how I got sucked into this matrix of mixed emotions. No, I was never the kind of girl who day-dreamed of her wedding day and knight in shining armor. I never once thought about what kind of dress I wanted to wear, what kind of flowers to use as decorations, what kind of foods to serve, or how many guests I wanted as my witnesses. Despite that, I've always pictured myself as someone who's going to get married. Yes, I've always wanted to be married, no doubt about that. Growing up, it seemed natural to want to marry because I've always dreamed of having a family of my own. I love my family and I can only hope to have a family similar to the one I have right now some day.
Fast forward a decade and here I am, engaged, but about to cry my eyes out because I am beginning to doubt whether or not this feat is even achievable. You'd think I'd be more excited for my wedding day, but I have never felt more uncertain about what a wedding actually means. Perhaps it's because I haven't given any thought about what kind of wedding I wanted all those years? No, I haven't. I've focused so much about what kind of husband and marriage I'd want, what kind of background, morals, beliefs, and culture I'd want my kids to grow up with that I have completely neglected any ideas or thoughts about the wedding itself.
How did I completely disregard the wedding part when thinking about the marriage part? I don't know. It just...happened.
Perhaps I thought a wedding was a simple event. You get a dress, he gets a tux/suit, you find a church, say your vows, have a nice dinner with family and you're done. Nothing too complicated...right? Truth be told, perhaps it wasn't meant to be so complicated. But after hours of research, I've turned up with so many nitty gritty details such as picking a theme, picking your hair style, picking a photographer, a venue, a videographer, bouquet, veil, dress, nail, ring, appetizers, drinks, favors, jewelry, activities, cake, wine, hotels, boutonniere, shoes, ribbons, invitation cards, websites...the list goes on forever...I'm bombarded with so many beautiful pictures of wedding ceremonies and receptions. Everything is so perfectly coordinated--from the flowers to the table runner to whether your cocktail is shaken and not stirred.
Suddenly, everything I would've been contented with, such as simple dinner with some fresh flowers, just seems so sub-par. I feel as if I should care more. "Fresh flowers", uh...what does that even mean? You gotta be more specific with what type of flowers should go into your bouquet. Yes, you must also think about what type of flowers would match your theme. Wait, you don't have a theme? *Gasp* Unacceptable! I feel as if every wedding planner, no matter how novice, would turn their noses up at me with scorn.
All at once, I feel inadequate, that I'm not fit to marry, that I'm too young, too naive. Perhaps marriage is only for the rich and/ older crowd. Doubt and anxiety from other voices begin to infiltrate my mind and question my faith and beliefs, clouding my judgement. Maybe if you marry now, your marriage would crumble to ruins. You can't even pay for a wedding, how could you possibly pay for life? If he can't pay for it, maybe he's not "the one". Maybe you should wait for a few more years until you can afford to go big. If you can't go big, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. So many "maybe's".
So much negativity! Since when were weddings surrounded with so much expectations...expectations so high and far from reality? When did weddings determine what kind of future and marriage you'll have post-wedding? Just because I can't pay for a wedding, doesn't mean I haven't been able to pay for my living expenses and still have extra to splurge. Just because we can't afford to have a fancy DJ for the dance floor or a top-of-the-line photographer doesn't mean we can't have fun and happy times together at the park or a the beach on a sunny day. Yeah, I can't afford lobsters, but I wasn't aware that lobsters was a measure of "we'll have a good marriage" to "we're so gonna starve to death and end our marriage prematurely."
I refuse to succumb to the commercialization of weddings, yet I find myself so disappointed when I can't "live up" to that kind of false hype. There are plenty of beautiful weddings in the United States, but the divorce rate remains at 50%. That means for every two weddings you attend, one is expected to end in divorce. And when that happens, do the flowers and thousands of dollars spent on the wedding sum up to anything? Anyone can say "no" without skipping a beat, I included, yet I am STILL wallowing in misery about being unable to match my centerpieces to my theme! Such is the power of popular culture and mass media!
As I sit here struggling to balance my budget sheet, I can't help but wonder, who and what are weddings for? I always assumed that it was a happy celebration for the couple where they get well-wishes and blessings from family members for their future lives together as one. After going through the motions of planning, I am starting to believe otherwise. The more I dive into planning, the more I discover that this so-called celebration is simply an event to please the parents and to show-off how happy and successful you are as a couple. Maybe it hasn't been so, but it has definitely become an event that is subject to the scrutiny of the guests (and others if you post lackluster photos that your cousin took with his digicam). I'm starting to think that a weddings have evolved to become a contest of "who are the best bride and groom of the year?" and your guests are the judge. With that kind of set-up, who wouldn't feel great pressure not to "fail"?
I refuse to fall into the trap of commercialized weddings. It's not easy to do, but I must remember my goal. I must remember my purpose. I will stay strong for the marriage and family the Lord wants me to have.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
I have no idea when or how I got sucked into this matrix of mixed emotions. No, I was never the kind of girl who day-dreamed of her wedding day and knight in shining armor. I never once thought about what kind of dress I wanted to wear, what kind of flowers to use as decorations, what kind of foods to serve, or how many guests I wanted as my witnesses. Despite that, I've always pictured myself as someone who's going to get married. Yes, I've always wanted to be married, no doubt about that. Growing up, it seemed natural to want to marry because I've always dreamed of having a family of my own. I love my family and I can only hope to have a family similar to the one I have right now some day.
Fast forward a decade and here I am, engaged, but about to cry my eyes out because I am beginning to doubt whether or not this feat is even achievable. You'd think I'd be more excited for my wedding day, but I have never felt more uncertain about what a wedding actually means. Perhaps it's because I haven't given any thought about what kind of wedding I wanted all those years? No, I haven't. I've focused so much about what kind of husband and marriage I'd want, what kind of background, morals, beliefs, and culture I'd want my kids to grow up with that I have completely neglected any ideas or thoughts about the wedding itself.
How did I completely disregard the wedding part when thinking about the marriage part? I don't know. It just...happened.
Perhaps I thought a wedding was a simple event. You get a dress, he gets a tux/suit, you find a church, say your vows, have a nice dinner with family and you're done. Nothing too complicated...right? Truth be told, perhaps it wasn't meant to be so complicated. But after hours of research, I've turned up with so many nitty gritty details such as picking a theme, picking your hair style, picking a photographer, a venue, a videographer, bouquet, veil, dress, nail, ring, appetizers, drinks, favors, jewelry, activities, cake, wine, hotels, boutonniere, shoes, ribbons, invitation cards, websites...the list goes on forever...I'm bombarded with so many beautiful pictures of wedding ceremonies and receptions. Everything is so perfectly coordinated--from the flowers to the table runner to whether your cocktail is shaken and not stirred.
Suddenly, everything I would've been contented with, such as simple dinner with some fresh flowers, just seems so sub-par. I feel as if I should care more. "Fresh flowers", uh...what does that even mean? You gotta be more specific with what type of flowers should go into your bouquet. Yes, you must also think about what type of flowers would match your theme. Wait, you don't have a theme? *Gasp* Unacceptable! I feel as if every wedding planner, no matter how novice, would turn their noses up at me with scorn.
All at once, I feel inadequate, that I'm not fit to marry, that I'm too young, too naive. Perhaps marriage is only for the rich and/ older crowd. Doubt and anxiety from other voices begin to infiltrate my mind and question my faith and beliefs, clouding my judgement. Maybe if you marry now, your marriage would crumble to ruins. You can't even pay for a wedding, how could you possibly pay for life? If he can't pay for it, maybe he's not "the one". Maybe you should wait for a few more years until you can afford to go big. If you can't go big, then maybe it wasn't meant to be. So many "maybe's".
So much negativity! Since when were weddings surrounded with so much expectations...expectations so high and far from reality? When did weddings determine what kind of future and marriage you'll have post-wedding? Just because I can't pay for a wedding, doesn't mean I haven't been able to pay for my living expenses and still have extra to splurge. Just because we can't afford to have a fancy DJ for the dance floor or a top-of-the-line photographer doesn't mean we can't have fun and happy times together at the park or a the beach on a sunny day. Yeah, I can't afford lobsters, but I wasn't aware that lobsters was a measure of "we'll have a good marriage" to "we're so gonna starve to death and end our marriage prematurely."
I refuse to succumb to the commercialization of weddings, yet I find myself so disappointed when I can't "live up" to that kind of false hype. There are plenty of beautiful weddings in the United States, but the divorce rate remains at 50%. That means for every two weddings you attend, one is expected to end in divorce. And when that happens, do the flowers and thousands of dollars spent on the wedding sum up to anything? Anyone can say "no" without skipping a beat, I included, yet I am STILL wallowing in misery about being unable to match my centerpieces to my theme! Such is the power of popular culture and mass media!
As I sit here struggling to balance my budget sheet, I can't help but wonder, who and what are weddings for? I always assumed that it was a happy celebration for the couple where they get well-wishes and blessings from family members for their future lives together as one. After going through the motions of planning, I am starting to believe otherwise. The more I dive into planning, the more I discover that this so-called celebration is simply an event to please the parents and to show-off how happy and successful you are as a couple. Maybe it hasn't been so, but it has definitely become an event that is subject to the scrutiny of the guests (and others if you post lackluster photos that your cousin took with his digicam). I'm starting to think that a weddings have evolved to become a contest of "who are the best bride and groom of the year?" and your guests are the judge. With that kind of set-up, who wouldn't feel great pressure not to "fail"?
I refuse to fall into the trap of commercialized weddings. It's not easy to do, but I must remember my goal. I must remember my purpose. I will stay strong for the marriage and family the Lord wants me to have.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).
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