My 7th Year Anniversary of Being in the U.S.

Today marks the day I set foot on American soil seven years ago. It was the day where my family and I finally decided to answer God's calling of leaving everything we had behind to pursue a new life here. Anxiety, curiosity, excitement all flooded my mind when I got off the plane and took my first step out of LAX. I was born in this country, yet I knew nothing about it. How will I fit in? I wonder what lies ahead? Will I ever find friends? Will I ever be happy? So many questions. Feeling so lost and alone.

I remember seeing all the strange faces around me. Men and women with light colored hair and faces, a rare sight for this humble girl from Malaysia. I wondered how different or similar we are under our appearances. I remember just marveling at everyone and everything around me. The whole city was bustling with life. Everyone had places to go, and had a routine they needed to follow. As they rushed past me, I just stood there, not knowing where my new home would be. As soon as stepped out, I wanted to jump onto the next plane back to our home in Malaysia.

For the first few days, I walked around town and just people-watched. For the first time in my life, I felt very detached from the world. I had no place I needed to be at. No school, no work, no real responsibilities. Even if I wanted to go somewhere, I wouldn't even know how to get there. 

Knowing English didn't help me to fit in. Apparently, my English was "weird" and too formal. Who would've guessed that Malaysian English is formal? I struggled to imitate the Californian accent, but there were just too many slang and I couldn't keep up. 

I was the odd kid at school. I was the FOB, the nerd, the one who said "huh?" way too much because nothing anyone said made any sense. The weird girl who doesn't greet others with a hug. Too touchy for me. The girl who turned down a prom invitation because she had no idea what all the hype is about. The girl who wore the same two sweatshirts for the whole two years of high school because she grew up wearing uniforms to school her whole life.

Every year, I try to learn a little more about the culture, try to speak and write a little better, try to step out of my comfort zone a little. And every year, I ask myself the same question: Am I finally fitting in? Or am I still that weird girl from a country nobody here has ever heard of? 

Seven years passed by in the same manner, and now, I guess you can say that no one would guess that I'm from another country. At least until I stumble upon a word I can't pronounce, or ask a very ignorant question about something that is supposedly common culture.

Funny how humans are such adaptable creatures. Humans are so resilient. Despite knowing and having close to nothing in this new country, I somehow managed to have a pretty decent and pleasant life here (by God's grace as well of course), and even got comfortable enough to marry an American *shock* (okay, fine he is still Asian but sometimes he is so American that I can't even understand what he's going on about)! Side note: As far-fetched as it sounds, I had planned on marrying a Malaysian because I don't know if I can tolerate someone who doesn't have the same love for food...and not just any food but exotic food. But in the end John loveeees Malaysian food so I lucked out big time.

Funny how as time passes, we can learn to overcome anything. Whatever seemed so impossible and scary can turn into a mundane daily way of living. We fret and worry about how we're going to overcome all these new obstacles in our lives, but when taken one step at a time, we get through them just fine. I can communicate with others pretty well now. Even though my family and I have been moving around every other year we've been here, we finally have a home (as of this month)! I may not have known anyone here and have no friends and family living in the States before migrating here, but I've found a close circle of friends, and I even have an extended family through marriage, which I'm sure will continue to grow when my other siblings get married too.

Sometimes starting over seems so hard, so scary, so crazy, but if we were to let this opportunity slip by, we will never discover how capable we are. We may find comfort in familiar faces, food, clothes, culture etc., but we will never find the fruits of courage and strength that only comes from change. We will never taste sweeter fruits and reach greater heights if we limit ourselves. 

It's only been seven years, and I've become so much more than I'd imagine I could ever be. If I could, I will tell the me from back then to not worry so much. Everything will be alright. There's no need to jump onto the next plane back, because seven years later, this is home. I was never alone to begin with. He has been with me, always.