A love I cannot fathom
Is it possible to love people who are not your blood relatives/family so much? I just finished writing a letter to my two bestest friends since coming to the States, and I am feeling so overly emotional about it.
I am not one who view relationships with others outside of family as anything much, which kind of explains the superficiality of most of my friendships in college and even throughout my secondary school life. Sure, we were friends and stuck by each other through the school, but I don't ever recall struggling to leave them behind if I had to for a more concrete or promising future plan. Seems kinda heartless, but most of them had a mutual understanding that life was just like that. When the time comes for us to go to college, we'll part ways and go to Australia, Singapore, England, or in my case, the U.S. because that was the reality.
I didn't think it was possible to love anyone so much, other than your significant other I suppose, that you feel so sad when you have to part ways and just wish you could spend a little more time by their side (even if you've practically spent almost every waking minute you can get)...until I met Ruth and Bryan.
Our first meeting wasn't anything spectacular or unusual. Bryan just happened to be a classmate of mine and club member of the Christian club along with Jesse. Not long after, I met Ruth through him and became great friends with the both of them. What happened after was an amazing two years of just going to bible study together, learning about God, each other, and life. I don't recall everything we've done together, but even though it was such a short time of bonding, I grew immensely attached to them and nowadays I can't picture what life what would look like today if I had never met them.
We don't even come from the same cultural background, but I feel so strangely connected to them. I don't believe in past lives, but if they really do exist, then we must be related somehow in a previous life lol.
Seeing them this past weekend at Ari's wedding was just so nostalgic and amazing. I treasured every moment together with them. For just a short time period, it felt as if we were back to when were still teenagers trying to figure everything out and wanting to make the most fun out of life. In that moment, I felt as if we could escape back in time. I felt so comforted, a feeling I haven't felt since leaving for college in Davis.
The feelings of happiness that washed over me instantaneously when I saw their faces in that one day was quickly replaced with gloom and sadness when I had to check into my flight the next day. I know we're all adults now and that we all have our own lives to live and responsibilities to attend to, but a part of me just can't seem to let go of wanting to be by their side the way our kid selves would with our best friends. Is this how we're supposed to feel about friends even in our adulthood? Or did I just have a very delayed response because I "missed out" on such friendships as a kid having grown up in a culture that puts studies and future plans before everything else?
I don't understand what's going on in my head, but even though I've been back home for 2 days now, I'm still thinking about them. I wonder if they doing the same? Or have they already snapped back into reality. I can sense John wondering if I'm okay. He thinks it's because I've been behind on my studies after having spent the weekend in SoCal, and I don't deny that's part of the reason I'm so out of it, but I also just can't help but re-live the time Bryan, Ruth, and I spent together over and over again in my head.
Sigh, I guess I should just leave these thoughts here and get back into the groove and distract myself with my new friends here in Davis. I feel kind of bad saying that haha. It's as if I don't treasure them enough and am just "using" them to distract my thoughts. I love these stats peeps too, but I just wonder what it is that makes our bonds different??
Just looking at these pictures just make my heart ache in a way I cannot fathom. I miss them so, so much!
I wish I wasn't so dense when it comes to emotions sometimes. Perhaps I'll understand myself a lot better if it were so.
I am not one who view relationships with others outside of family as anything much, which kind of explains the superficiality of most of my friendships in college and even throughout my secondary school life. Sure, we were friends and stuck by each other through the school, but I don't ever recall struggling to leave them behind if I had to for a more concrete or promising future plan. Seems kinda heartless, but most of them had a mutual understanding that life was just like that. When the time comes for us to go to college, we'll part ways and go to Australia, Singapore, England, or in my case, the U.S. because that was the reality.
I didn't think it was possible to love anyone so much, other than your significant other I suppose, that you feel so sad when you have to part ways and just wish you could spend a little more time by their side (even if you've practically spent almost every waking minute you can get)...until I met Ruth and Bryan.
Our first meeting wasn't anything spectacular or unusual. Bryan just happened to be a classmate of mine and club member of the Christian club along with Jesse. Not long after, I met Ruth through him and became great friends with the both of them. What happened after was an amazing two years of just going to bible study together, learning about God, each other, and life. I don't recall everything we've done together, but even though it was such a short time of bonding, I grew immensely attached to them and nowadays I can't picture what life what would look like today if I had never met them.
We don't even come from the same cultural background, but I feel so strangely connected to them. I don't believe in past lives, but if they really do exist, then we must be related somehow in a previous life lol.
Seeing them this past weekend at Ari's wedding was just so nostalgic and amazing. I treasured every moment together with them. For just a short time period, it felt as if we were back to when were still teenagers trying to figure everything out and wanting to make the most fun out of life. In that moment, I felt as if we could escape back in time. I felt so comforted, a feeling I haven't felt since leaving for college in Davis.
The feelings of happiness that washed over me instantaneously when I saw their faces in that one day was quickly replaced with gloom and sadness when I had to check into my flight the next day. I know we're all adults now and that we all have our own lives to live and responsibilities to attend to, but a part of me just can't seem to let go of wanting to be by their side the way our kid selves would with our best friends. Is this how we're supposed to feel about friends even in our adulthood? Or did I just have a very delayed response because I "missed out" on such friendships as a kid having grown up in a culture that puts studies and future plans before everything else?
I don't understand what's going on in my head, but even though I've been back home for 2 days now, I'm still thinking about them. I wonder if they doing the same? Or have they already snapped back into reality. I can sense John wondering if I'm okay. He thinks it's because I've been behind on my studies after having spent the weekend in SoCal, and I don't deny that's part of the reason I'm so out of it, but I also just can't help but re-live the time Bryan, Ruth, and I spent together over and over again in my head.
Sigh, I guess I should just leave these thoughts here and get back into the groove and distract myself with my new friends here in Davis. I feel kind of bad saying that haha. It's as if I don't treasure them enough and am just "using" them to distract my thoughts. I love these stats peeps too, but I just wonder what it is that makes our bonds different??
Just looking at these pictures just make my heart ache in a way I cannot fathom. I miss them so, so much!
I wish I wasn't so dense when it comes to emotions sometimes. Perhaps I'll understand myself a lot better if it were so.
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