Do you actually change your last name after marriage?

So I was scrolling through my Facebook profile in the wee hours of the night, clicking away at some married friends' profiles and pondering how many of them (females) actually changed their last names.

Cuz I didn't. 

I mean, I did on Facebook. But the change isn't official for legal purposes. Why? Many reasons. When the marriage registration lady told me about all the complications that come with changing a last name, I backed out. Okay, to be fair, I never really planned on giving up my last name, and the changing process was only "complicated" in a sense that I'll have to manually update ALL legal documents tied to my name. That includes bank accounts, school loans, ID, school profile and ID, social security. Might I add that I'd have to go through different channels to update each process? Yeah, that's more than enough reason to convince me to stick to my resolution of NOT changing my name.

When I found out later that my sister-in-law legally changed her name after marriage, I thought she was crazy. I just couldn't comprehend how anyone would want to go through ALL THAT HASSLE for a name change. What's the significance anyway?

Aside from the fact that "it's cute", and perhaps even romantic, I don't think officially changing your last names is necessary to indicate you're married or taken. I, for one, am lazy. And I love my last name! 

I'll admit that when I told John I didn't plan on doing so, he was very upset. He rebutted with, "Why wouldn't you take my last name? Do you not like it?" I don't dislike his last name, but that's the thing...it's not MY last name. Sure, Ariel Lee has a nice ring to it, but Ariel Sim just sounds so much better. Call me bias, but that's the name I've identified with since birth. You can't just take that away from me! Furthermore, I hadn't graduated yet. No way was I going to allow the school to print my husband's last name instead of mine next to my first name on my diploma. It took me 20+ years to get here! "Ariel Sim" is the only appropriate name for my degree, otherwise I would feel like I didn't earn it.

He continued to argue, "I just feel like since we're married, we should have the same last names." So why can't husbands take their wives' last name? Either way, I still don't get this fantasized same last name deal. WHY DOES IT MATTER? Regardless of the name change, we are still documented as married! We even had a ceremony and reception with witnesses, which I think is the most important event in Chinese culture as evidence of commitment.

I didn't realize that this whole name changing thing was a very American thing until I saw this video:

I have to argue the guy who said it shows a "huge commitment", or the guy who says it's like coming up with a new identity. I am very traditional, but I still fail to see how changing your name means you're committed. Does that mean if the husband doesn't make the change, he's not committed? By that logic, both parties should swap last names or something. As for the identity thing, being married IS your new "identity". You no longer act only for yourself, yet you are still your own being. Isn't that the "new" part? 

I was expecting the video to end on a note where women who chose to keep their names are judged negatively, but was pleasantly surprised that the opposite was true. Granted that the "experiment" was not the most unbiased, nor the sample size random or large enough etc. But I am happy to know that I am viewed as a strong, independent, and supposedly rich woman!

How ironic cuz John is much stronger than I am, and I am quite dependent on him for financial support right now cuz I am a broke student. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, the different stances John and I have regarding this name changing issue probably stem from our different cultural backgrounds. In Malaysia, I don't see people changing their names. Sure, we're still addressed as Mrs. Lee, but we all know it's not official, and it's merely to indicate on prints like bulletins or flyers that the couple are married. Who would've guessed that Asians in the States (or California at least) didn't view the matter the same way? 

So, why did I change my Facebook profile name if it doesn't matter? Because the mister seems happier that way. Hahaha. He did eventually gave in and permitted me respected my decision to keep my last name. The least I could do is make my name change "Facebook official". Humor him a little okay lar. The only issue now is that EVERYONE at school keeps submitting group projects with Lee as my last name, even though I've told them MULTIPLE times that my official last name is Sim. Sigh. I guess you can't change cultural norms and expectations overnight.

Some have asked me if I regretted my decision to keep my name. I don't, and I hope I never will, because it will cost me $400 and court orders if I do. Hahahaha. I do regret the Facebook name change though, cuz now if I change it back, it'll be kinda awkward. See lah. So Kepo. I am debating if I should change it back. Aih~ At least it's only group project issues and not a slew of frozen credit cards and bank accounts. Can you imagine that? Yeah, neither can I.